Guys. Senior year of college is looming on the horizon and my anxiety levels are through the roof. My internet queue is overwhelmed with web searches involving law school, survival tactics and ways to become a millionaire before thirty (I’ve had luck with the first two searches but I’ll let you know if I find any for the third). Looking back, I realized I did what I do every year: fill my schedule and pretend that I don’t need time to breathe. Every. Single. Year.
I’m currently sitting in a Starbucks, enjoying my last few days of anonymity. I’m in denial that I need to be packing up my apartment and instead have been making lists to make myself feel like I’m doing something productive. The only things making me feel somewhat prepared for this next year is the fact that I finally bought an umbrella, rain jacket and rain boots for Pensacola’s tsunami-like storms. So at least in that matter, I will look like I have my life together.
The truth is, it’s my senior year and I don’t have anything anymore together than I did freshman year. Except maybe my eating habits–I gave up on soda and never looked back. I’m terrified of my new roommates and how much money I may have to spend on books. I’m terrified of the fact that I ran for Student Body Vice-President and WON. *Insert nervous laugh here* Just to clarify, I wasn’t supposed to win. At least in my mind, I wasn’t supposed to. I’m terrified of the fact that half the campus will notice when I trip on the carpet on my way to class (every day) and see the sweat beads forming on my forehead when I can’t find my new assigned seat.
People have told me, “Don’t get a big head about your new position. Stay humble. Stay you.” The truth is, I know I will come out of this position 100% more humble than I went in. Think about it. People watching your every move, knowing, talking about your mistakes and shortcomings. How could you be proud of that? All I can think of is all the horrific scenarios that could result. Maybe you think I’m just being silly and yes, I probably am. But-pray for me. When you see a girl trip up the stairs, pray for me because it was probably me. When you see a girl spill her coffee all over her existence, pray for me because it was probably me.
*Awkward rant over*