duct tape & super glue

The rain is pouring outside my apartment window in Maine and just like that, I can feel the ideas pouring into my head as well. It’s not that I have been lacking ideas for this space, I simply haven’t had the time or energy to spill them out this last year. Looking back to the last time I wrote here, I can’t help but think of how much has changed for me-and so much of it for the good. I won’t go into details but year Twenty One was a whirlwind filled with goodness that I do not and will never deserve.

I am learning to find the joy in simple things. The redheaded boy whose socks don’t match his yellow shorts; the chai tea I’ve made for the third night in a row; the endless emails chock full of information that keep going back and forth, giving me a purpose.

Two letters sit on my kitchen table. One to the redheaded boy with the funny socks, his address one that I know by heart and the other to my baby sister, one in whose heart I wish I had invested more in. My baby sister-ten years separate us, the gap being as big as the Grand Canyon most days. She’s athletic, lanky, taller than me. She is kind and helpful, always. I wish I could tell you everything about her but I can’t. Three years of college and the absentmindedness of my high school days when I lived at home leave us detached. I regret it, I do.

So, I wrote her a letter. It won’t fix nearly as much as I wish it would but it is a start. That’s the advice I have for you today, reader. Repair the flawed relationships in your life at a time when they only need some glue, not an endless roll of duct tape. Don’t push them to the back of your mind where they will sit in disrepair. In a perfect world, these relationships would be fixed with a single cup of coffee and a letter. It is hard to face the fact that you were the cause of the brokenness and that you were at fault. It is hard to dig deep and stare it in the face of the culprit-your face. Friend, it is worth it. You’ll cry and you’ll ask for their forgiveness and maybe, just maybe you will forgive yourself.

I hope you do and I hope you are still at the point where you only need a mild form of super glue. I will, however, be pulling out the duct tape.

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