Clearer.

This weekend was wonderful. I spent it in Iowa, at a camp I worked at a couple years ago. I went up with my best friend and her boyfriend and the people we stayed with are almost my family and I love them so much. We rode four wheelers, went swimming almost every day, ate home made ice cream and did yoga. It was magical.

It always seems like being out in the middle of nowhere, no cell phone reception, no internet…Life is easier. Decisions that, when I’m home, seem so daunting and overbearing become clear and easy. Staring out into the golden fields, wind blowing through my hair and sweat on my skin-it washes out the cobwebs in my brain that seem to magically reappear once I get back in the city. 

For awhile now, I’ve been considering studying pre med and pursuing a career in medicine. I keep swinging back and forth between that and political science. But this weekend, while out bailing hay with Paul and Megan, the tractor broke down. Upon opening the hood, we found that only someone with very small hands (me) could fix it. I went in, ‘scalpel’ and all and fixed it. Cutting and knotting, it was very like surgery and all I could think about the entire time was, ‘I cannot wait to actually perform surgery on a person.’ Call me weird, but that was the only thought running through my head. After fixing it, I just stood back to catch my breath at the knowledge that for twenty minutes, I had had no reservations, nothing–All I wanted to do in the world was medicine. 

That’s what I mean when I say that out in the country, everything is clearer. 

I made a few resolutions while out there. Some I won’t write here because they are for my personal benefit but some I will.

*I will make a decision soon and stick to it. I will give my very best and not give up. (I hope you all will keep my accountable to this decision when I do decide 🙂 )

*To pick up a hobby and stick to it.

*To lose a certain amount of weight before August 29. It’s not that much, but it will help me feel better about myself.

*To give my very best at my job during the last month and a half I have left. No slacking! I want my managers & co workers to remember me as a hard worker. 

*To focus more on the present and less on the past. 

There you go! Whether or not I will hold to these, Lord knows, but I will do my very best. 

Until later, my loves.

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